obnoxious,
clinging onto my inevitable destruction,
obscene;
my best kept secret,
the flicker of an eyelash,
waryand,
cold agaisnt my skin,
a tawny gene,
is all i have to certify,
to signify,
my doubtfall existance.
hardening,
my surface,
until i bleed irony.
I love my redneck wit,
convincing me into apoptosy,
you always had been,
my suicidal enzyme
<3
Lose Yourself in the Music by coolcucumber, literature
Literature
Lose Yourself in the Music
You underestimate the power of words.
I suppose it has never occured to you,
that communication is not only spoken;
bitter crotchets regurgitating my life, my emotions, my thoughts.
A single letter could deprive you of your soul.
An insignificant movement of a lip,
could lead you to disastor.
It is unnescessary to be afraid.
Fear only hinders us from our dreams.
And dreams become relaity in our imagination.
We must embrace impossibilities and produce our own perspective.
A perspective that is true to yourself.
Because only you can change your world.
Only you can achieve your desires,
all you need,
is one simple thing;
being to
Every scrape of skin,
our skin bonded by bone,
all the dust peel off us,
and fall into a column,
of sin, desire but death.
Every root of scalp,
blinded by a fringe,
all my eyelashes crack,
resting on your tongue,
upon concusion of confess.
Every cell of blood,
escaping from our skin,
crawling down our spines,
closing our perspective;
putting us to rest.
With this razor, i slit my throat, as you wrapped your noose of lies around my neck. The blood dripped, as the angels tightened the rope, restricting my airflows, platelets, soul.
How i dreamt of this moment, so many times before, only to find a hand ceasing my blade.
Yet this time there is no one.
For i am no one.
I was no one.
And as I feel a sudeen drip of blood linger down my throat, i embrace the rush of carbon choking my insides; my guardian angel kissing me softly.
Although my vision is blurred, everything remains clear.
A soft caress from death,
squeezing my life from me.
I had no home.
I had my dream.
I was never sufficien
Thirty four years,
and you still can't sleep.
Consumed by fears,
and the secrets you keep.
Thirty four years,
and you're still alone,
regretting your verbs;
wishing she had known.
Thirty four years,
pretending you hadn't heard,
closing your ears,
but you can't ignore their words.
You've wiped you tears,
but you're still incomplete.
its been thirty four years,
and you still cannot sleep.
I cannot see your eyes,
but i can hear your sighing,
drowning within our lies,
which consume you and not me,
it should have been,
darling; it should have been me.
You must be ten metres behind,
at least or perhaps ten more,
listening to voices in your mind,
conflict edging into war,
war which should have been,
war which should be inside me.
I can feel your heart freezing,
yet i cannot reach you,
in your trance of reason;
doubting facts we once knew,
it should have been, my love,
it should have been,
a trance to absorb me instead of you.
I know there is a wall between us,
i know this is an act in vain,
reach our your hand,
I know you are afraid of me.
Likewise i am of you.
2 beating boxes:
trapped inside a room.
I am aware of your equation -
fortune, beauty but hate.
1 hollow box:
beating for your sake.
I know this is the end for you.
Long ago was the end of me.
0 mesmerised boxes:
floating in this sea.
You scream inside my earlobe.
It makes no sense at all.
Stupid little letters and petty little vowels.
Deny all the symptoms;
its better to hide our honesty.
We're all so mellow.
Melachonic in our heads.
Never question answers;
you know your thoughts remain true.
I love to pretend.
It was not so.
He loved me not.
He could not bring himself to give,
The love, which I sought.
It could not be.
You loved me neither.
You could not find within yourself,
The love, which I cried for.
She looked into his eyes; that sweet apologetic look, which every time she used drove him near tears.
Douglas visioned the world, round and perfect until "BOOM!". Everything was gone. Nothing was left, but her.
"This is the second time you have cursed me"
His lips trembled.
She was silent.
"Do no seek a third.", he whispered harshly, his voice moulded with pain and betrayal.
She opened her mouth.
"Don't Speak!", he spat out.
her lips began to form the smooth shape of a word.
"Don't Speak!!", he begged.
She looked fragile, fragile as a flower.
"You could never love me", he cried bitterly. "You would not!"
She was too scared to mov
All his life he had always wished his circumstances could have been different.
Sitting in the damp small but vast and empty cell had made it clearer than ever. The smell was musty and the solid stone was cold. The walls were towering over him, laughing at him, in a superior fashion. The window was menacing high above his head, chuckling softly to itself as it allowed the chilling night wind through. He was shivering; wearing only rags to keep out the cold. His eyes were blue, with depth like water, shimmering in the light of the moon. His long, coarse, brown hair fell about his ears, passing to his shoulders like a river winding its way thr
Temptation - longing and yearning for your touch, to come , to be, to sing a sensation across my fingers, cheek and lips.
Nerve-circulation - every single breath you exhale tickles goospebumps onto my skin, hair screaming in morbid celebration.
Tormentation - you inflict and push upon my heart, until all the blood has been squeezed into the calipillaries of my stomach; curdling the juices as it licks your feet.
But yet, you pull on me closer and closer until i'm so close to you that i fear my heart may crumble once more.
Then you push, and you push and you push and you push, until i feel so cold and idiotic that i doubt that i can face th
Single-eyed Suicide Syndrome by coolcucumber, literature
Literature
Single-eyed Suicide Syndrome
I tear, and i tear at my heart. I will for it to crumble; no longer two bleeding segments but a pile of chalk.
Ashes yearning to burn. Flames; fragments of a fire longing to wither the thoughts of those living. If only those volgorous flames would consume my mind; i live for the day these insane thoughts cease.
I long for the moment my wings shrink into a cold pile of bitter salt. I visualise the feathers burning into cinders, the wings of a dove becoming mortal.
Unfolding, i imagine the soft mysterious feathertips drowning into air. Then i disintergrate; tiny peices of a dream, floating on a wavelength of time. I feel the dust falling ont
Current Residence: Scotland Favourite genre of music: mostly grunge/emo/punk MP3 player of choice: Zen micro! :D Favourite cartoon character: Cosmo from the fairly odd parents! :] Personal Quote: Warg. x]
Favourite Visual Artist
Andy Warhol
Favourite Movies
Donnie Darko
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Green day,Muse,Franz Ferdinand,Nirvana,Death Cab for Cutie,Queens of the Stone Age, Foo fighters,
This is just to let all my watchers and friends know that i've decided to change my account to:
suicidalenzyme
There are a number of reasons for this, and i don't want to get into too much detail.
But i'll be submitting all my old work back up there.
<3
Oh and theres some new deviations too. :]
Ilu all.
I don't know what my life machine is but i'm hooked on it.
I don't know whats causing it, but i just get these freak outbursts where i'm overwhelmed by my pessismism.
Yes i know i can't spell. To be honest right now its the very last thing on my mind.
I don't know what i want, and i think thats the main source of my confusion.
I just know that i have to find an answer.
Even if the answers not what i want to hear.
I just need some kind of reassurance.
ironic, i know, but i just don't want any more lies.